The doctor said there’s something growing inside me….

WARNING: Extremely lengthy blog entry. Read only when bored senseless.

Wow! How did this happen? One moment we’re still trying to get used to the idea that we’re no longer single (hubby still exclaims every week without fail “Wah… married already woh!”) and the next our status has been elevated to “Parents-to-be” (and now he exclaims “Married already and gonna have kids already woh!”).

I feel tremendously blessed to be called by God to be part of the mother’s club but am I even ready to play the role? The transition from being single to married was not difficult. Nothing much changed except we now live together and have our own house to clean. But this…. this is a phenomenal responsibility. I don’t doubt my maternal instincts (after all, I’ve dreamt of having a family from as young as the age of 8) but this came as a total surprise and being a control freak doesn’t make it any easier.

The story unfolds….

In the first few weeks of my then unbeknownst state, I kept dozing off in front of my PC right after lunch and it was the kind of sleepiness where you couldn’t keep your eyes open even with toothpicks. It had never happened to me like that for days on end before and I found it quite bizarre indeed!

Next was the breast tenderness. Thought my period was coming early but after 2 weeks, it got worse. Was busy around that time so didn’t even realize my period was 2 weeks late (I never record anyway). When I started to suspect, asked hubby if we should get a test kit from the pharmacy but he was against it, saying that we can’t be sure if the results were accurate and we’d be more confused.

A couple of days later, I had conjunctivitis so went to see the doc and since I was there, asked to do a urine pregnancy test. She called hubby and me in afterwards and the conversation went like this:

Doc : So how long have you two been married?

Me : One-and-a-half years

Doc : How many children do you have?

Me : Zero

Doc : Congratulations! You’re about to have one now.

(Broad bewildered smiles all around)

Hubs : No way! Are you sure it’s accurate?

Doc : It’s pretty accurate. The lines only show if you have the hormones.

After 15 minutes of good advice from Dr Sharmila, we headed home dumbfounded and ridiculously happy. So much for my thinking all these years that I’d have problems conceiving.

Never thought I’d be one of those hand-constantly-cupped-over-the-mouth-trying-to-abstain-from-vomiting mothers-to-be but luck was not on my side. I’ve always had a strong resistance for gag factors and used to think that those mums who kept puking were ‘weaklings’. Why oh why me? Especially when my mother, Godmother and stepmother had smooth-sailing pregnancies all the way. No fair!! Luckily MIL’s morning sickness for each of her 4 boys was far worse than mine and so I didn’t feel like such a prima donna at mealtimes with the in-laws. Oh, and you know those “Aunties” who carry minyak angin in their purses? I’m one of them now and for the most part of my 1^st trimester, you could smell the waft of herbal ointment the moment I appeared.

For me, waking up was tough coz I felt so empty but yet couldn’t really eat. My normal breakfast of cereal and milk would have been perfect for a mother-to-be but somehow the milk seemed to turn sour in my gut an hour later and I would suffer from indigestion. The onset of nausea would begin close to lunchtime unless I ate early (like 11-ish) and would peak at 5-ish, thus I headed home at 5 sharp after work so I could puke in the sympathy of my own toilet tiles. I steered clear of fried and spicy food (Lydia’s advice) and now have a very low tolerance for chilli.

The worst part about not having an appetite for anything is that I’m usually so passionate about food. But I simply couldn’t stand the smell, sight and even thought of, amongst other things, garlic (both raw and cooked), chopped onions, tomatoes, mushrooms and the weirdest of all… Jamie Oliver cooking on telly.

We could no longer cook at home for fear that I would be put off by the aromas so ate out practically everyday (wasn’t feasible to go back to our parents’ for dinner as the food would only be ready around 7:30 and I had to eat by 5:30 or 6pm). The question I most dread now is “Where and what to eat?”. When my food came, I would last 3 mouthfuls at most then hubby would have to finish it or it’d go to waste. My staple for 2 months was hot milo and digestives.

When my exams neared, I got so tired of eating out and wanted to save what precious time I had so I resorted to eating instant noodles at home at least 4-5 times a week (shh… don’t tell my parents-in-law). It was also much easier to digest and there were loads of flavours to choose from. For someone who had been on a low-carbo diet for so long, my diet now consisted of probably 80% starch so I forced myself to eat fruits and eggs whenever possible. It’s no wonder that I grew fat despite not eating very much. Of course it didn’t help that I suspended my gym account and stopped going for yoga for 3 months. Whatever muscle tone I had dissolved away
only to be replaced by unsightly bulges.

For some strange reason, I absolutely cannot stand listening to "Hips Don't Lie", that song by Shakira and the smell of Harpic toilet deodorizer (probably 'coz I kept puking into my downstairs toilet bowl that uses it). Whenever the song comes on air these days, I simply have to switch it off 'cos it just brings back the feeling of nausea. And the weird thing is that I loved it in the beginning.

Don’t think I’ve been very moody… in fact I think I seem to be more patient and laugh at hubby’s jokes more (just hope it lasts). Is he trying harder to make me happy or is this an indication of baby’s sense of humour (scary thought!)? Whatever it is, I’ve been trying to stay positive and happy. Of course this was extremely difficult in the last 1-2 months due to my exams. Hey, it was the finals and it’s a do-or-die thing ‘coz if I fail this time, no way am I going back to my books again…. (What? Study when you’re a mum? Yeah right!) Kept telling myself that it’s okay if I failed ‘coz attaining the CFP would not make my rice bowl fuller but of course the perfectionist in me would not allow for any relaxed feelings at this stage.

The bump (or was it just fat?) started showing sometime in my 3^rd month… pretty early for a first-time mum, dontcha think? Will post pics of the growing bump soon. (N.B. started writing this entry 1 month ago but didn't get to finish it and I'm now into my 22nd week so don't be surprised that I'm already so huge).

Have to put an abrupt end to this entry as I think I've delayed posting it long enough. Sure hope I'll be able to write more often.