Surprise, surprise!

Whilst I was putting the kids to bed last night, this conversation ensued.

Nat : Mama, since my birthday is coming, you can start preparing for my surprise birthday party. Please pretend to forget ok?

Me: ??? Are we celebrating your birthday?

Nat : Of course we are! But pretend you forgot and don't tell me anything. You can just arrange everything and gather the people and then surprise me.

It's november 21st. Aunty Gi told me it's coming soon.

A few minutes later, she asks about the kids at the orphanage (where we celebrated hers and Adam's birthday 2 years ago) and said she wanted to visit them.

I then asked if she'd like to celebrate her birthday there and she said yes. 

Aww... Can my little princess get any sweeter?

Later that night, I related to the story to Hubby. His response? "Ok loh.. Throw her a party loh..." 

Hmmm... How easy is it for a girl to twirl her daddy around her little finger? And she didn't even have to say a word to him!

Incorrigible

About a month ago, Adam was punished for refusing to keep his toys and retaliating by beating Hubby.

Hubby put him in a corner and after about 6 chances, he still refused to apologise. We made him stay there while we went about our nightly getting-ready-for-bed routine.

Later, the 3 of us were on the bed. Hubby was browsing through a magazine while Nat and I took turns reading a Dr Seuss book. Occasionally, we caught him looking enviably at us but his demeanour was still la-di-da. He started singing and making car noises.

After 15 minutes, he decided he had had enough. Said "Sorry Papa, sorry Mama". Hubby and I let him out of the corner and he happily kept his toys, climbed up to bed and settled to sleep.

This boy....

Idolising Adam

My son has an admirer. A few weeks into his term in school, we found out that there was this girl from the 4-yr old class who took a liking to Adam and would sit down with him while waiting to be picked up after school. For some reason, she adores him and seems to enjoy mothering him.

We didn't know her name initially but only learnt it recently when we found out Tiffany was the only one in school who had contracted HFM from Adam (who had caught it from his cousin). Hmm... makes you wonder what the 2 kids had been getting up to, eh? I did feel quite bad that he had passed it on even though we stopped him from attending school the moment we realised he had it. If she got it as bad as Adam did, the poor girl would have suffered a lot indeed.

However, that didn't stop her from hanging around him after they both recovered and went back to school. Apparently, she waits for him each day at school and leads him around by the hand. Adam just goes along for the ride, oblivious to how amusing it all looks.

Being the parents that we are, Hubby and I started asking him who Tiffany was and if she was pretty. As you would expect, a 2-year old boy wouldn't have a clue about romantic notions nor that his parents were teasing him. Of course I had to go and plant words like "girl friend" in his head. So now, if you ask him who Tiffany was, his answer would be "ger pren". *chuckles!*

One day, Hubby decided to check out this "babysitter" for himself. The moment Tiffany saw Hubby coming into the school building, she let go of Adam's hand and dashed out of sight. Was she feeling the slightest bit of embarassment? Or was it guilt? We will never know. Hubby even caught it on video but all I could see from that 2-second clip was this rather tall girl running away from the scene and Adam standing clueless in the background.

If you ask me, I think it's quite amazing that a girl that age can be so capable of these emotions. How advanced are children these days anyway?

Come to think of it, I have had "guardian angels" like Tiffany before. One of my Standard 6 classmates used to be quite fond of me and would wait around for me all the time. She would allow me to copy her homework and would even queue up at the canteen to get me my bowl of noodles on a daily basis. It's a pity I am no longer in touch with her.

Well, I guess it's Adam's fortune too to have Tiffany around. Can't complain, can I? And if I ever need a babysitter, all I have to do is make contact with her parents.

The sound of silence

I can't seem to find the time or creative juices to blog anymore. Whenever a topic pops into my head, I'm usually in the midst of something and tell myself to post it the moment I have some free time but when that moment comes, I've completely forgotten what it was I set about to write.

Could the pregnancy hormones be to blame for this?

I'm now 26 weeks preggers which means another 14 more to go, barring unforeseen circumstances... Sigh... so long more to go?

Don't get me wrong though. I'm enjoying the pregnancy now (the energy and the appetite) but it hasn't been smooth-sailing all the way. Had terrible morning (more like whole-day) sickness, far worse than the last 2 times. Most food just didn't agree with me and I had to live on a staple of biscuits and energy bars. Thank God those days are gone!

I also fell terribly ill in my 3rd month and there was a point when everything I ingested, just came right back out again till I had no choice but to resort to taking Maxolon for the nausea. I figured I was better off taking medication that at least allowed the food to stay in rather than making myself weak from hunger and feeling like s**t.

Not long after, I fell in and out of coughs and colds and I had never had it so bad before that I was kept up the whole night hacking my lungs out. One day after a sleepless night, I got worried as I didn't feel bubs kicking around at all for half the day which was quite unusual. I was about to head to the hospital for fetal heart-rate monitoring when the little flutters started again. Phew!

Hubby and I have decided not to find out the gender of the baby early on this time. Since it's not our first time expecting, we thought we'd keep at least one element of surprise till the end. We've been getting lots of surprised looks when we tell people this. "Don't you want to know so you can go shopping?", they ask. What else is there to buy? We've already got all the big stuff. Clothes we have plenty. Come on, boys can wear pink too, can't they?

As with most second-time parents, we're feeling slightly guilty for not taking enough pictures of the bump, for not talking or singing to the baby enough, for not blogging much about the pregnancy, for not buying new stuff for the baby and even for not reading "What to Expect When You're Pregnant" (some of you would ask : "What's there to read when you've already been through it once?" But trust me... I'd forgotten most of the stuff!).

However, I will say that this time around, I've :-
1. been taking Probiotics and supplements (which makes me wonder why I still fell ill so often!), 2. been eating less rubbish and more homecooked food,
3. been exercising more (morning walks, prenatal yoga and been doing squats too); and
4. refrained from birds' nest (read that it could contribute to infant eczema despite the Old Wives' Tale that it gives the baby smoother skin).

Also, although we may not talk directly to the baby as often, surely he/she hears the banter when we're playing with Nat and I'm hoping that the happiness gets absorbed into the womb. Yes, I'm praying for another Nat.... not necessarily gender-wise but it would be such a blessing to have another child with her cheery disposition.

Okay, now for the third and final trimester (sleeplessness, lethargy, frequent toilet visits, indigestion, etc). Bring it on!

New terms of endearment

About two weeks ago, Nat started interchanging the term "Ma Ma" for "Mummy" when talking to me. I'm guessing that this stems from the Western influence on telly to her mixing around with other kids who call their mothers "Mummy". Talk about societal and peer pressure at a young age!

Then again, she does sometimes tries to be cheeky and refer to her elders (my mum, PIL, etc.) by what Hubby and I call them and gets a kick out of us correcting her.

Be it "Ma Ma" or "Mummy", it's still the sweetest sound to me.

Sneaky things...

Babies are a clever lot, smarter than most adults give them credit for, and very powerful indeed.

They are capable of reducing their grown-up mothers to tears the moment we set eyes on them. They also have the uncanny ability to really grow on you the longer you get acquainted with them. Mine is no different.

Before this, I never would have thought I would allow my child to sneak into our conjugal bed on a nightly basis. Unlike many breastfeeding mums, I wasn't fond of nursing lying down. I couldn't seem to get comfortable hence I would feed Nat sitting up and then promptly put her back into her cot. Hubby also wasn't into the idea of co-sleeping as he often tosses around heavily and was worried he would land on Nat and reduce her to a pile of mush without realising.

Since her bout of illness however, Nat seems to have wormed her way into our bed and I didn't even see it coming. This has now become a habit with her starting to wail at around 2-3am followed by me, way too tired to carry or pat her back to sleep, picking her up and plopping her in the middle of our bed. She will then scream for about 5 seconds before finding her right thumb to suck and stroke my face with her left hand till she falls contentedly back to sleep between her 2 biggest fans. Only after her night-time feed will I put her back into her crib.

Now that she's bigger, I actually enjoy having her next to me where I can just turn and give her kisses and cuddles as I like. So you see... not only can they get you to do things without you realising it, they can even make you like doing it! Clever or not???

What's for breakfast?

Malaysia is not a place for people with gluten, diary, soy, nut and egg allergies. And it's most definitely not a place for foodlovers with the same allergies. See picture for what I've been having for breakfast the past few weeks.

Okay, I had Marmite with my buckwheat and rice crackers just that once (and once was quite enough, believe me!) but those crackers are basically a bread replacement so I eat them with tuna, bacon, set honey or jam. It took a while to acquire the taste for them but they're quite nice when toasted actually.

For lunch and dinner, I am stuck with either rice, porridge, soupy meehoon or kway teow (variants of rice noodles) and amazingly, I'm ALWAYS hungry. And I mean ravenous! For someone who's been on a low-carbo diet for the past 4 years, I'm eating enough carbo per meal to feed a platoon of soldiers! Annoyingly, most Asian dishes are cooked with soy sauce so I've no choice but to avoid them too. At home though we've been substituting it with fish sauce in all our stirfries.

The good (unbelievable though it is) part about being on this diet is, buttoned-down shirts and tight blouses aside, I can now fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes including my jeans! Of course they're still more than a little snug but that's not the point. And all this while I believed that eating less carbo was the be-all and end-all of weight loss!

I could probably start a new phenomenon now. Wanna lose weight? Eat rice! Lots of it! Move over Atkins and South Beach!

Nat's ill

My daughter fell ill. For the first time. On my birthday.

Her nose is runny, her breath is thick with phlegm and she has a temperature. The works. She goes about her daily routine as normal and still smiles as cheekily as ever but my heart is heavy. I want to just hold and comfort her the whole day. I don't want to go to work and so I don't.

Our usual paed, Dr Junina's clinic is closed on Thursday mornings (coincidence you say?) so I had to look for an alternative. After scouring the Net at home, I settle for Dr Kwan in Damansara Jaya. He's a good doctor that I would go back to if Dr Junina is again unavailable. He prescribes Polaramine for the runny nose, Benadryl expectorant and Bricanyl for the phlegm.

Nat obediently opens her mouth to consume the spectrum of colourful syrups (including Paracetamol) that are her medication but you can see she's not happy with them. Mum comments how good a girl she is. Spoke too soon. Later in the evening, she absolutely refuses to even so much as open her mouth upon seeing the syringe in my hand. When I manage to force one dose down, she promptly throws it up again with the next dose. I am left with no choice but to put her to bed without the drugs.

God, please help her recover soon. *Big sigh...*

Flower Power

A few weeks back I had the fortune of getting acquainted with Josephine who works a few doors away from my office and who introduced me to Phytobiophysics, the science of harnessing the vibration energy of plants to release energy blocks in the human body so that balance is re-established for all levels of consciousness; spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. It is believed that stress, disease and viruses also vibrate at different frequencies that bring disturbance to the healthy, balanced life flows within the body.

A load of mumbo-jumbo? I couldn't agree more at the time. But since Josephine insisted her husband's eczema visibly cleared up within a month of taking the herbal formulas, no harm trying, I thought. Not to worry folks, I'm not going barmy just yet.

Hubby and I brought Nat to see Dr Yeap when we were back in Ipoh over the weekend. Her method of diagnosis was unconventional to say the least. She would form a circuit with the patient and ask him/her to resist her downward pushing motion on his/her outstretched left arm. I ended up acting as the "lever" for Nat and Hubby (a few occasions) and by the end of it, my shoulder was positively aching.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that we were completely sold on the "science" but Dr Yeap handled our questions so well that Hubby and I did end up asking for a consultation as well. We alternated between being skeptical and hopeful of the benefits of the "flower vibrations". Conceptually, Phytobiophysics is as abstract as Reiki but the antidotes are akin to a combination of Homeopathy and Bach Flower Essences. As with most alternative medicines, you can't help but attribute its efficacy to a placebo effect. So as I was telling Hubby, if Nat's eczema really does clear up, we'll know it's for real. After all, you can hardly expect a toddler to be psychologically affected by a sugar pill that she doesn't even know has been dissolved into her drinking water.

In addition to taking the pills, I have to give up quite a lot of foods as apparently I currently don't have the right enzymes to digest them hence they create an energy block within which manifests in the eczema and lower lumbar pain that I have. So just as Eileen urged me to go on a restrictive diet for Nat's sake, I was told by Dr Yeap to give up wheat (or anything with gluten), eggs, soy (that means soy sauce too!), dairy products, beef, lamb and duck for the timebeing till my imbalances are corrected.

It's been three days and I still can't think of anything convenient to eat for breakfast. No eggs, bread, cakes, biscuits, noodles, cereal or milk.... How long will I survive?

Things my daughter does that makes me laugh and love her more...

She rocks and sways (and sometimes headbangs) to almost any kind of music, but without fail to the theme song of 'Grey's Anatomy'. She could be nursing or doing something but when that tune comes on, she'll look up, smile and start rocking.

Sorry, don't know how to rotate the video

She hums tunelessly but in rhythm to people singing and she sometimes does so very loudly in church. I don't know whether to blush with pride or embarassment.

When in an affectionate mood, she'll hug me around the neck and kiss me full on the mouth, eyes closed some more. Starting young? You don't say! Daddy better have a way to keep a reign on her when she starts dating.



She twirls her feet round and round and pumps her arms up and down when she's excited (and that includes upon seeing me return from work).



Her babbling of "Buerh", "Buh", "Ba", "Bai", "Ma", "Pa", "Mum". MIL thinks she'll start talking early since she's such a whiner.

She is absolutely terrified of being put to sleep in her cot but loves sleeping on the sofa downstairs. Before falling asleep, she will roll about in her cot, bang her head on the mattress and whine. I have an absolutely hilarious video of her falling asleep sitting up with her feet sticking out of her cot but it's too dark to see anything when I upload it. Here's a photo instead


She always has a smile for everyone and if she's in a cranky mood, just singing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" will definitely elicit a smile from her.

She has good dexterity and an incredibly strong grip (she once lifted a melamine chair with one hand).

She has an extremely good appetite and eats really quickly. Thank God!

Amenorrhoea no more

Yup, the monthly inconvenience has begun again...

After not having my period for 17 months, save for the lochia discharge after delivery, my ovaries have been kickstarted into action again. By what, I don't exactly know but my guess is the reduction of night feeds as Nat is sleeping through the night more and more (although not everyday).

This is not fun I tell you...

Why I would breastfeed all over again

Consider these....

Pluses

1. Bonding - yes, every mum will form the tightest of bonds with her children but the joy in my heart when Nat looks up at me with her innocent eyes and reaches out her hand to receive kisses from me, caress my face or stroke my hair is simply beyond words.
2. Nutrition. Breastmilk boosts immunity. Period. I know the moment I post this entry, I might kick myself for speaking so soon but Nat has never fallen ill in 7 months although I had a cold while I was on maternity leave and still continued to breastfeed.
3. Reduces risk of allergies especially if mum herself suffers from them. Yes, Nat does have eczema but it could have been much worse.
   
4. Ensures adequate fluid intake.
5. Convenient, non-messy way of feeding - no need to worry about not having enough hot water / formula if out for longer than expected, less things to pack when going out or travelling.
6. Does not cramp our lifestyle - read about when we took Nat to the cinema.
7. No smelly poo until baby starts on solids.
8. Best way to comfort baby in distress like when I accidentally clipped off a piece of her thumb when cutting her nails. Oops!
   
9. Best way to keep baby still, for instance when trimming their hair or nails and applying cream on their faces. Nat just hates anyone touching her face!
10. The fact that only the mother, and no one else, can actually breastfeed her baby gives her bragging rights and exclusivity. For instance, I have a ready excuse to take Nat away from whomever's carrying her if I ever need one.
11. Entertainment factor. One only need watch a mother nursing a 4-month old to know what I mean. They start being inquisitive and are no longer just sleeping, eating and pooping machines. The funny antics displayed by Nat during nursing sessions has had me & mum in hysterics.
12. Good for mummy's health - studies have shown reduced risk of breast cancer & osteoporosis.
13. Helps mummy lose weight - through having a good diet and the passive calorie-burning (okay, it's been a while since the needle on the scales shifted down but hey, the only things I'm abstaining from are alcohol and caffeine).
14. A multi-pronged way to save money - on formula (we all know how much they cost), sanitary pads (not having periods is a woman's dream come true!) and doctor's bills for baby.
15. Forging friendships with like-minded mothers. See: breastfeeding support group.

Minuses

1. Pain. The initial agony of the first few weeks.
   
2. How much? All that worrying about whether the baby is eating enough and not having enough milk supply.
3. Staring. Have to think about feeding in public (I've become more thick-skinned as a result).
4. Sleep deficit. Waking up a few times a night to express.
5. Unless one has ample stock in the fridge or does not mind lugging around a cranky, sleepy baby, breastfeeding curtails night-time outings. But this saves us money too and allows me to be more picky about the invitations we accept.
6. Teetotal. Having to be careful with my diet in terms of medication and alcohol.
7. Vaginal dryness. 'Nuff said!
   
8. Runny poo for the first 6 months (the baby's, that is!)
9. Withdrawal symptoms. Just reading Pearl's account about weaning Ian immediately reduced me to tears in anticipation of the end of my wonderful nursing relationship with Nat.
   

Check out her "lotus root" limbs

I can go on and on but the bottomline is, I have finally found my passion. I'm nuts about my Nat!

Midnight ramblings

You are so beautiful
I wish you'll just stay the way you are
So tiny, so helpless, so dependent on me
Growing right before my eyes
Everyday you learn more and more
Someday you will no longer need me
and though you will make me proud,
the thought saddens me
I know I will have to eventually let go of you
but I don't want to
I can't bear the thought of you leaving me
I want to protect you from everything cruel
My hope is for you to be a good person
with strong values
and a love of God
No matter what
always know that my love for you
will only grow with each passing moment

Finnegan begin again

The week just past was one of many firsts.

I'm relieved to announce that Monday was the first time Nat slept through the night. Put her to bed at 7-ish and she didn't cry till 5am. Yup, 10 straight hours without a feed! Of course, that feat hasn't been repeated since but still, she has been relatively good. Last night it was 9 hours. I won't be as optimistic as to believe that my sleepless nights have come to an end but I'm hopeful that if she can do it once, she can do it again. It's also reassuring to know that my efforts in sleep-training her have paid off and she's capable of having long uninterrupted rest on some nights at least. So all that screaming and crying were not in vain after all.

Wednesday was the first time I had taken a day off work since I returned from maternity leave. It was Nat's inaugural trip to the photo studio to get her passport photo taken. I brought along her bumbo seat and it made the shoot a breeze. Someone should think of promoting them to photo studios. She looked straight at the camera and had good posture. However, instead of a smile, she had this bewildered look on her face.

Then we went to Fit For 2 in Bangsar (our first time too) for the free mummy & baby Fitball trial class. Met Pipa & Tara there but unfortunately, too many people signed up for the class so as coordinator, Pipa graciously made way for the other attendees. Ee Ran's right, Fit For 2's such a baby-friendly and sparklingly clean place! The class was lots of fun and for the most part, Nat seemed to think so too. My fitness levels are at an all-time low but that didn't stop me from singing along with Debbra during the cardio workout. She said in all the years she has been teaching fitness classes, no one had ever joined her in song.

After that, took Nat home and brought MIL out for a Yong Tow Foo lunch and a 2-hr massage session afterwards. It was a belated birthday treat from hubby and me. We tried Zen Soul in DSH for the first time and glad to say we were not disappointed. Plus there was a 30% happy hours discount from 11am to 3pm so took advantage of that.

On Thursday, Su reported that Nat managed to hold her bottle without any help for the first time! It's moments like these that make me wish so much I was a SAHM. I wonder what other firsts I will miss out on?

The weekend was also adventurous to say the least. We woke up early Saturday morning to attend the Ibu charity jumble sale at their Damansara Heights premises. Was debating whether or not to bring Nat but it was a good thing she was still sleeping when we left the house. With all the stalls set up along the side of the bungalow, some under tents, the crowd and heat were smothering and I wouldn't have been able to browse in comfort carrying her.

Hubby and I actually arrived at Ibu 5 minutes before they let the crowd in, talk about "Kiasu". We were given 2 goodie bags upon presentation of our tickets and were asked to buy a few more lucky-draw tickets at RM2 each for charity so with hubby's prompting, I contributed an extra RM10. Flo arrived soon after and it was also my first time seeing her as a mother-to-be (Yes people, she's 11 weeks pregnant!).

Having a good idea of what to look for, I zoomed in on the only Baby Bjorn around and made no hesitation in asking for it. So desperate was I, I didn't even bargain but at RM100 and in good condition, it was nothing short of a steal. It's by far the most superior baby carrier I've come across and till now, I'm still darn pleased with the purchase. Apart from that, I picked up some Milton tablets (will need those for Chiang Mai), 3 bibs with sleeves (they're ace!), a baby ring float and a cloth book (another thing I was on the lookout for). Flo picked up some good bargains too.

Along the way, met Pipa & Tara and Julia, who was on duty at the gate. Also bumped into Eunice & Tammy (baby Lucas) from Fitball class. Ee Ran came later when I was almost done. My neighbour Dolly at Plaza Mont' Kiara was also there promoting her Embun day spa.

We left at 11.15 and hubby took me for yummy char siew fan at Happy Mansion. Again a first for me. Halfway through our meal, Melissa from Ibu called to say that I had won a free lunch worth RM50 at Fit For 2. However, we had to pick it up before the end of the sale or else she would have to give it away to someone else. Of course we went back! Since I was there, I went on another round just to see if there were any last-minute bargains. Two minutes later, I got another call saying I had won 4 music classes at Gymboree worth RM180! Double whammy! Not bad for RM10, eh?

Later in the afternoon, I packed Nat into the car and went for a free trial Musikgarten class at Character Forever in SS2. It was a half-hour sing-along session led by a qualified Musikgarten teacher. The title of this blog, in case you're wondering, is inspired by one of the phrases we were taught to chant to the babies. Nat was quiet all through the session but when we were done and there was no more music, she began yelling for a good 15 mins, as though to get everyone singing again. It was quite enjoyable but I'm not sure whether it was the syllabus or the fact that I got to meet up with Ee Ran & Brandon, Jessica & Evan and Soo Ching & Niklaus. Nat kept smiling at Brandon and Niklaus. She's quite the flirt! In any case, don't think I'll sign up for the classes now. First of all, it's too late in the afternoon. Secondly, I think she's too young to understand anything despite all the mumbo-jumbo they claim so I'm only paying for myself to learn the songs, really. Lastly, I don't feel like committing to something every week at this point, especially when weekends are my only time to spend as I like.

Later that night, Michelle & Marc (more like Michelle only) gave us (& Keat & Chris & Soo Ching) a treat at this place in Bandar Baru Selayang called Chef Tam. You pick the seafood from Jin Chwan down the road and bring it there to be cooked. Not bad! We would go back there. But the bill must have come up to quite a bit since we had snow crabs.

Sunday morning, FIL had made prior arrangements for us to go for a walk in the park (first time for Nat). Actually, more like him pushing Nat in the stroller and leaving us behind. He was such a proud grandfather. Kept stopping to take videos of her and comparing her with every other baby there. It was my first time jogging in probably a year and it was terrible. Not that I was out of breath (in fact, I was pleasantly surprised that I still had some stamina) but I had never been so well-endowed before and my sports top obviously did not have much support. Luckily I brought a towel which I draped around my neck so I ended up having to hold on to both ends while pressing down on my chest to stop it from jiggling! See, the grass is not always greener on the other side...

Babies galore!

And now for part II of our KL/Ipoh/Penang/London/NZ group gathering before the Londoners returned to their coop. This time in place of Siau Yen & Yoke Lim, we had Christine & Aileen. Kit Mun could only show up much later when most of the others had left.

This time we did a potluck at our place. There was Lydia's pasta that was wiped out soon after it was placed on the table, Tim's oh-so-silky braised chicken & salt-baked fish, hubby's tasty thai grilled chicken, su's sambal sotong that teamed excellently with MIL's nasi lemak while An Pheng tossed a salad and brought ice cream. Oh yes, Tim contributed a pannatone all the way from Milan too!

Later we had a photo session of all the babies with their respective mummies/granny & daddies. The biggest baby of all was Aileen of course!

The camaraderie was fantastic to say the least, with our small living & dining area being filled with adult chatter & babies babbling at the top of their voices. Looks like Krysta had also staked her claim on Dennis as she warmed up to him & started following him around the house. Actually I have a sneaking suspicion that it was mummy Yee Peng who conspired the whole thing as she had to hold Krysta's hands while the latter "chased" Dennis around.

All-in-all, a fantastic gathering & one that will stay for a long time in our memories.
Thank you, ladies & gentlemen!

Everyone's a fan of the fan!

Cayden helping himself to the Bumbo

The 2 heartthrobs of the party

Aileen's maternal instincts are showing

The babies with their mummies....

.... and daddies

4 months 22 days

I've finally decided to supplement Nat's feeds with formula. The night feeds are taking its toll on me. I've not had a good night's sleep in yonks. My milk supply seems to be diminishing even though I'm breastfeeding as often as I can and exclusively on weekends. But contrary to the theory, my supply isn't increasing to meet her demand.

It's vicious cycle indeed. Not enough milk during pumping sessions means I have to wake up every 2 hrs at night to pump & when I do that, I don't get enough sleep so my milk supply dwindles. At the same time, since I either pump before the night feeds or pump & feed simultaneously, Nat doesn't get enough to eat at any one time so she has to wake up more often & that disrupts her sleep.

Have tried to night-wean her but with little success. The few times I let her cry it out till she fell back asleep, I was so anguished by her cries that I cried along with her. Now, she already knows I'm there but hiding from her each time she cries, so she gets angry and can go on forever.

The longest I've managed to get her to go without a feed at night is 5 hours, with 4 being the ideal for me since I can wake up & pump in between & still have full breasts for her next feed. However sometimes she gets overtired & falls back into her 2/2.5 hr routine. It's times like these that i feel I'm failing to be a good mother.

So anyway, 2 nights ago, hubby & I trudged (me with a heavy heart) off to Guardian to get some Enfalac. That night I brought hot water & formula with me to bed & when she stirred at 12.30, I promptly made her a bottle. She drank 1.5oz before she realised it was not the usual menu & then gave a shudder & spat out the teat.

Then last night, I got Su to feed her the formula & put her to bed. She only took 4 out of the 5oz I prepared and woke up 3.5 hours after. Looks like formula doesn't necessarily keep the infant full to sleep through the night. Either that or I have a greedy baby. I still woke up at 2+ and 5+ and then 7+. So much for supplementing!

A recent email to a friend

Have not had any time to write new entries so here's an excerpt from one of the more recent emails I've written just to update my blog a bit.

Hi H,

I know exactly what u mean about your daily achievements revolving around how much you yield from your pumping sessions. Mine have been even less successful than yours but with the night pumping sessions in between feeds, I somehow miraculously have just enough to meet her daily needs when I'm at work. Granted, I do supplement on the odd day when she's unusually hungry or if I'm out longer than expected and didn't prepare an extra bottle of EBM.

Knowing that she's growing from consuming only mostly my milk, it's just so worth the effort. However my supply appears to have plateaued so I'm not sure how long more I can continue to exclusively breastfeed. I'm trying to stock up my freezer but can only put aside an extra bottle or two per week.

I've tried every natural breastmilk-supply remedy that I've heard of including consuming turmeric juice, baby shark, steamed fish, papaya soup, fenugreek, milkmaid tea, groundnut soup & blackbean soup, peanut butter, milk and oats but I can't say for sure if any of them really work. At the moment I boil papaya soup with elephants' ears, ginger, fish and groundnuts twice weekly and also just started drinking an infusion of fenugreek & fennel a few times daily. If there's any improvement at all, I'm not even sure if it's real or merely psychological.

Oh yes, a friend of mine says she finds eating lots of celery & having sex boosts her supply plenty but i've not tried that myself (where she found the time & energy for that is beyond me). I also read somewhere that dried oyster soup does the trick (boil it like ikan bilis soup). The Malays believe that pegaga (alfalfa?) juice also works.

I'm sure you know that you should not stop the nighttime feeds in order for your breastmilk supply to continue and also to nurse exclusively during the weekends right? Have you also tried breast massage before nursing or pumping & lying while feeding at night so as to get more rest? The latter doesn't work for me though. I still prefer sitting up to nurse as I have to burp Nat after each feeding or she'll regurgitate.

At the end of the day, if you've tried all the above & your supply is still dwindling, be proud that you've succeeded in giving your son the best for almost 6 mths. That's what I keep telling myself & it's a lot more than most mothers can admit to doing. I presume you'll be starting him on semi-solids soon?

Exclusive breastfeeding is no easy feat and there are also hazards that come with it as I recently found out. You see, I've been having this chronic pain in my right wrist for almost 6 weeks and 3 weeks ago, it turned up on my left wrist too. It turns out that I have de Quervain's tendonitis, a syndrome akin to carpal tunnel and not uncommon in breastfeeding mothers. It's an inflammation of the tendon that causes pain when I flex my wrist and extend my thumb and especially hurts when I carry Nat by picking her up under her arms. The change in our hormones during pregnancy cause us to have lax muscles so that's why there's a tendency for mothers to have it if we carry our newborns too much.

I kept putting off going to see the doctor in hopes that either the pain would go away (read that it sometimes does) or I would get used to it but the tendons just got more aggravated. The pain was so debilitating that I couldn't write properly, grasp things or unhook my bra without wincing. Then it dawned upon me that Natalie was not getting any lighter and if I was to pay for treatment, I might as well seek it now. I finally went to an orthopaedic today and got a jab in each of the wrists. Hurt like hell (nothing compared to the doctor's bill though) but the pain has subsided somewhat. Also have to wear a splint on both hands and rest them a lot for at least 6 weeks.

Nat also has mild eczema and i was so sad when the doc told me coz i also have eczema and can emphathise with her. That was one of the reasons i was so dead set on breastfeeding and after all that trying, she still got it. She only has it on her face for now but I'm afraid it will affect other parts of her body too. Sometimes she uses her mitten-ed hands to scrub her face and it becomes reddish. The doc gave me some cream but i'm not using it as it contains steroids. i've been using steroid creams and they thin the skin. Much too strong for a baby. Trying out some eczema remedy products from buds baby (a local company. check out http://www.budsbaby.com/. however, the eczema products are new so not on the site yet) as they contain mild and natural ingredients. So far the moisturiser works well to keep the patches hydrated so she doesn't itch so much. If u want, I can buy and send to you for you to try. Hope your son's eczema heals soon. Take care!

How do I love her? Let me count the ways...

I love her...

sweet baby scent

big round eyes

long fingers & toes

hairy ears & shoulders (she was my little hobbit but not anymore)

receding hairline and high forehead

long eyelashes that curl at the end

big toothless grin

chubby arms and thighs

pouts when she's about to cry

girlish little voice

fake attention-seeking cries

lazy cat stretches & back arches

wide hearty yawns

rapid breaths when she's deep in slumber

cute-sounding hiccups

Not to mention ...

The way she attacks anyone like Woody Woodpecker when she's hungry (she has outgrown this too)

How her head flops around in all directions when she's sleepy

How her mouth forms a tiny 'O' when she appears to be contemplating

The way she laughs aloud in her dreams

Her many facial contortions, especially when she's about to do a No. 2

How she gazes intently at me and gives me the sweetest smile, sometimes a shy one when i'm feeding her

How she sleeps with her arms above her head, without a care in the world

How her right ear folds in 2 when she's lying on that side

The way her tiny hand grips my finger and pumps it

How she steals a smile after she's finished feeding

Her look of contentment when she's in the bath

Watching her perform her strong kicks & punches in developing her motor skills

How she hates being restrained whether in the car seat or being cuddled too tightly

When she partakes in a frowning contest

Post-partum

It's now 28 days since I was pregnant and here are a few physiological changes I've noticed.

The good news is, breathing is so much easier now that I don't have the extra baggage competing for space with the rest of my organs. This means that I can now go back to sleeping on my back without feeling like I have a boulder on top of me. Also my bladder seems to have regained its normal capacity and then some. It's like a bottomless pit, pretty much like my daughter's stomach. I'm amazed at how much fluid I can drink without having to go to the loo.

On the negative side, my looks have taken a complete nosedive and I don't mean from the time before I got pregnant.

The past few weeks in confinement have moulded me into the perfect personification of "Aunty" with shaggy, dishevelled hair, a double chin and upper arms that wave in the wind. My derrierre is even bigger now than when pregnant. I'm serious! Pants that I was able to wear right up till delivery are now bursting below the midsection onwards. I fear I may never again wear anything without elastic waistbands, never mind my size 27 levi's.

I also have a belly button the size of a grapefruit and stretch marks that make my tummy look like something out of a geography textbook. I dunno... maybe it's the lack of sunshine or polluted air or something and the moment I can step outdoors, the fat will miraculously melt away. There's hope yet... NOT!!

The only thing that has increased in size that I don't quite mind are (surprise, surprise!), my mammary glands. But with the extra weight and the constant feeding and not to mention that nursing bras do not exactly have the best support, gravity has become my boobs' biggest enemy. Oh well, I am a cow, for now anyway!

Motherhood 101

It's been 3 weeks & 4 days since I became a mummy. How do I feel? Overwhelmed, but extremely satisfied at the same time. I dunno... words simply do not suffice.

Nat is indeed a treasure (from God, no less) and I love her with every fibre of my being. It's true what they say that you'll never completely fathom the depths of your own mother's love until you become one yourself. That's why in the first few days of her existence I found myself shedding tears both out of joy of having given birth to something so beautiful and also out of understanding and gratitude for the love my mum has shown me and Val all these years.

I can also see hubby's adoration growing for her by the day from the amount of photos he has taken of her. Imagine a grown man cooing “She looks so cute! I wanna dress her up like a bunny!”. Mummy's getting a little jealous 'coz before I had to actually ask him to take pictures of me when we're on holiday and now he's snapping away like crazy even if she's just lying there doing nothing!

The confinement experience has not been too bad thus far. Barring grimy hair and an overdose of sesame oil, I've managed to comfortably stick to most of the dos and avoid the don'ts. (Oh, alright! I do admit to washing my hands with water straight out of the cold water tap sometimes). However, I've not really felt the urge to go outdoors nor crave for hawker food (or any food without the requisite lashings of sesame oil, ginger & rice wine for that matter) for the past few weeks. But with Christmas just around the corner, I did feel the tiniest itch yesterday to just drive to 1U and get started on my yuletide shopping. After all, hubby's been saying we should get a Christmas tree this year and I thought I'd better strike while the iron is hot before he changes his mind.

Having said that, my experience with the confinement nanny was a different thing altogether. The day before I left the hospital, my original confinement nanny called to say she had been taken ill & couldn't do the job, at least till she recovered. Panic-stricken, I called Elaine, An Pheng's wonderful confinement nanny, for help and sure enough, she came through with a replacement.

Ying Jie looked and sounded the part but after a few days, it was obvious that she was more than a tad lazy and exploiting our inexperience as first-time parents. For starters, she didn't want to use cloth diapers nor handwash Nat's clothes and kept insisting on nighttime formula-feeding. Her insinuations that I had hardly any milk to give and how the other babies she had looked after were all so chubby really irritated the shit out of me since I was trying so hard to exclusively breastfeed. If my baby's going to be fat, it will be from the calories of my own milk and nothing else!

She also wasn't taking good care of me nor was she very hygienic when it came to cleaning Nat. Not only that but every time she carried her, it looked like she was manhandling a pig about to be butchered. Heck, she even fibbed about her workdays, telling me she works only 28 days when I later found out that Elaine had told her it was strictly 29 days or no deal. It was so not worth all the good money we were paying!

In the end, things worked out wonderfully when she developed a sore throat and later, a cold, and left after a week. Hurrah! We decided we'd had enough of confinement nannies for the timebeing. Thank God I managed to borrow Su, my dad's Indon maid to help immediately after Ying Jie's departure. She's no Aunty Parvathy but at least she's able to cook and for now appears to love caring for Nat. No complaints about waking up in the middle of the night either.

As for feeding, I'm proud to say that apart from the first 2-3 nights when Ying Jie insisted on feeding formula, I've been able to exclusively breastfeed and intend to do so for at least 6 months. My inspiration stems from those friends who successfully pulled it off, namely Wai Kuan, An Pheng, Flora and Yvonne. Hats off to all of you ladies! Of course I wasn't one of those who had ample supply right from the start so it was easier said than done in the beginning. Desperate to continue, sore nipples or not, I tried every breastmilk-supply enhancing suggestion in the book: turmeric juice, baby shark, papaya soup, fenugreek, milkmaid tea, groundnut/blackbean soup, you name it, I've tried it. My mummy friends kept telling me, just let the baby suckle and the milk will come. True enough, it did!

Now that my confinement period is almost over, I'm bracing myself for the next step... going back to work and the dread that comes with it. I so do not want to be separated from my baby!!! Wish I could be a full-time mum but unfortunately, we are far from being able to afford that luxury. Ah well, at least my consolation is that I can bring my daughter in to work if I want and my boss will probably dote on her too but how I'll get any work done is anyone's guess.

So am I ready for motherhood? You bet!