4 months 22 days

I've finally decided to supplement Nat's feeds with formula. The night feeds are taking its toll on me. I've not had a good night's sleep in yonks. My milk supply seems to be diminishing even though I'm breastfeeding as often as I can and exclusively on weekends. But contrary to the theory, my supply isn't increasing to meet her demand.

It's vicious cycle indeed. Not enough milk during pumping sessions means I have to wake up every 2 hrs at night to pump & when I do that, I don't get enough sleep so my milk supply dwindles. At the same time, since I either pump before the night feeds or pump & feed simultaneously, Nat doesn't get enough to eat at any one time so she has to wake up more often & that disrupts her sleep.

Have tried to night-wean her but with little success. The few times I let her cry it out till she fell back asleep, I was so anguished by her cries that I cried along with her. Now, she already knows I'm there but hiding from her each time she cries, so she gets angry and can go on forever.

The longest I've managed to get her to go without a feed at night is 5 hours, with 4 being the ideal for me since I can wake up & pump in between & still have full breasts for her next feed. However sometimes she gets overtired & falls back into her 2/2.5 hr routine. It's times like these that i feel I'm failing to be a good mother.

So anyway, 2 nights ago, hubby & I trudged (me with a heavy heart) off to Guardian to get some Enfalac. That night I brought hot water & formula with me to bed & when she stirred at 12.30, I promptly made her a bottle. She drank 1.5oz before she realised it was not the usual menu & then gave a shudder & spat out the teat.

Then last night, I got Su to feed her the formula & put her to bed. She only took 4 out of the 5oz I prepared and woke up 3.5 hours after. Looks like formula doesn't necessarily keep the infant full to sleep through the night. Either that or I have a greedy baby. I still woke up at 2+ and 5+ and then 7+. So much for supplementing!