The doctor said there’s something growing inside me….

WARNING: Extremely lengthy blog entry. Read only when bored senseless.

Wow! How did this happen? One moment we’re still trying to get used to the idea that we’re no longer single (hubby still exclaims every week without fail “Wah… married already woh!”) and the next our status has been elevated to “Parents-to-be” (and now he exclaims “Married already and gonna have kids already woh!”).

I feel tremendously blessed to be called by God to be part of the mother’s club but am I even ready to play the role? The transition from being single to married was not difficult. Nothing much changed except we now live together and have our own house to clean. But this…. this is a phenomenal responsibility. I don’t doubt my maternal instincts (after all, I’ve dreamt of having a family from as young as the age of 8) but this came as a total surprise and being a control freak doesn’t make it any easier.

The story unfolds….

In the first few weeks of my then unbeknownst state, I kept dozing off in front of my PC right after lunch and it was the kind of sleepiness where you couldn’t keep your eyes open even with toothpicks. It had never happened to me like that for days on end before and I found it quite bizarre indeed!

Next was the breast tenderness. Thought my period was coming early but after 2 weeks, it got worse. Was busy around that time so didn’t even realize my period was 2 weeks late (I never record anyway). When I started to suspect, asked hubby if we should get a test kit from the pharmacy but he was against it, saying that we can’t be sure if the results were accurate and we’d be more confused.

A couple of days later, I had conjunctivitis so went to see the doc and since I was there, asked to do a urine pregnancy test. She called hubby and me in afterwards and the conversation went like this:

Doc : So how long have you two been married?

Me : One-and-a-half years

Doc : How many children do you have?

Me : Zero

Doc : Congratulations! You’re about to have one now.

(Broad bewildered smiles all around)

Hubs : No way! Are you sure it’s accurate?

Doc : It’s pretty accurate. The lines only show if you have the hormones.

After 15 minutes of good advice from Dr Sharmila, we headed home dumbfounded and ridiculously happy. So much for my thinking all these years that I’d have problems conceiving.

Never thought I’d be one of those hand-constantly-cupped-over-the-mouth-trying-to-abstain-from-vomiting mothers-to-be but luck was not on my side. I’ve always had a strong resistance for gag factors and used to think that those mums who kept puking were ‘weaklings’. Why oh why me? Especially when my mother, Godmother and stepmother had smooth-sailing pregnancies all the way. No fair!! Luckily MIL’s morning sickness for each of her 4 boys was far worse than mine and so I didn’t feel like such a prima donna at mealtimes with the in-laws. Oh, and you know those “Aunties” who carry minyak angin in their purses? I’m one of them now and for the most part of my 1^st trimester, you could smell the waft of herbal ointment the moment I appeared.

For me, waking up was tough coz I felt so empty but yet couldn’t really eat. My normal breakfast of cereal and milk would have been perfect for a mother-to-be but somehow the milk seemed to turn sour in my gut an hour later and I would suffer from indigestion. The onset of nausea would begin close to lunchtime unless I ate early (like 11-ish) and would peak at 5-ish, thus I headed home at 5 sharp after work so I could puke in the sympathy of my own toilet tiles. I steered clear of fried and spicy food (Lydia’s advice) and now have a very low tolerance for chilli.

The worst part about not having an appetite for anything is that I’m usually so passionate about food. But I simply couldn’t stand the smell, sight and even thought of, amongst other things, garlic (both raw and cooked), chopped onions, tomatoes, mushrooms and the weirdest of all… Jamie Oliver cooking on telly.

We could no longer cook at home for fear that I would be put off by the aromas so ate out practically everyday (wasn’t feasible to go back to our parents’ for dinner as the food would only be ready around 7:30 and I had to eat by 5:30 or 6pm). The question I most dread now is “Where and what to eat?”. When my food came, I would last 3 mouthfuls at most then hubby would have to finish it or it’d go to waste. My staple for 2 months was hot milo and digestives.

When my exams neared, I got so tired of eating out and wanted to save what precious time I had so I resorted to eating instant noodles at home at least 4-5 times a week (shh… don’t tell my parents-in-law). It was also much easier to digest and there were loads of flavours to choose from. For someone who had been on a low-carbo diet for so long, my diet now consisted of probably 80% starch so I forced myself to eat fruits and eggs whenever possible. It’s no wonder that I grew fat despite not eating very much. Of course it didn’t help that I suspended my gym account and stopped going for yoga for 3 months. Whatever muscle tone I had dissolved away
only to be replaced by unsightly bulges.

For some strange reason, I absolutely cannot stand listening to "Hips Don't Lie", that song by Shakira and the smell of Harpic toilet deodorizer (probably 'coz I kept puking into my downstairs toilet bowl that uses it). Whenever the song comes on air these days, I simply have to switch it off 'cos it just brings back the feeling of nausea. And the weird thing is that I loved it in the beginning.

Don’t think I’ve been very moody… in fact I think I seem to be more patient and laugh at hubby’s jokes more (just hope it lasts). Is he trying harder to make me happy or is this an indication of baby’s sense of humour (scary thought!)? Whatever it is, I’ve been trying to stay positive and happy. Of course this was extremely difficult in the last 1-2 months due to my exams. Hey, it was the finals and it’s a do-or-die thing ‘coz if I fail this time, no way am I going back to my books again…. (What? Study when you’re a mum? Yeah right!) Kept telling myself that it’s okay if I failed ‘coz attaining the CFP would not make my rice bowl fuller but of course the perfectionist in me would not allow for any relaxed feelings at this stage.

The bump (or was it just fat?) started showing sometime in my 3^rd month… pretty early for a first-time mum, dontcha think? Will post pics of the growing bump soon. (N.B. started writing this entry 1 month ago but didn't get to finish it and I'm now into my 22nd week so don't be surprised that I'm already so huge).

Have to put an abrupt end to this entry as I think I've delayed posting it long enough. Sure hope I'll be able to write more often.

Da Vinci this, Da Vinci that

MUSINGS
By MARINA MAHATHIR

A friend was relating how after her daughter had read the Da Vinci
Code, she had wanted to read the Bible. Which is not in itself a bad
thing except that she was concerned that an impressionable young
mind would not be able to differentiate fact from fiction. Also it
seemed that perhaps what was needed is a Da Vinci Code-type
book for Muslims to spark off the same level of interest in young
people in their own religion.

Except that if anyone tried to write a similar thriller based around
Islam, they'd be hounded and pilloried and threatened with death,
thousands would riot in protest and people who would never have
been able to read the book either because they are illiterate or can't
afford it would have died.

Such is the difference between our religions. While there are many
Christians who are upset about the book and movie, they are
countering it with seminars and other educational events to balance
what is being said in the book, even if the book is only fiction. There
have not been Da Vinci Code-related riots or deaths thus far. Which
speaks volumes for the adherents of the faith.

It would be nice if everyone could brush off similar challenges and
say "we are strong enough to withstand any attack". Even if a book or a
movie becomes a runaway hit, compared to the total number
of any faith's followers, the numbers sold can never match it. Books
are by nature, in a world where illiteracy is still common, a luxury
item. As are American movies, no matter what arguments people
make about cultural imperialism.

I remember when there were riots over Salman Rushdie's book The
Satanic Verses, President Benazir Bhutto commented wryly that the
people who were dying over the book were those who would never
have read it, or possibly even heard of it if someone hadn't whipped
them into a frenzy. A similar situation arose with the cartoons. As
insensitive as they were, they were still not worth dying over.

The point is that people's impressions of a religion are often related
to the behaviour of its adherents. Some religions are thought of as
simply kooky because its followers behave strangely. Some are
viewed as benign and peaceful because its followers resolutely will
not harm a fly.

But when people, supposedly in the name of religion, riot, burn and
kill, it can't help but give the impression of a religion that advocates
this, no matter how much we point out that nowhere in religious texts
itself does it say you should do this. And unfortunately we get the
whole spectrum, from men who publicly insult women on a daily
basis without censure to the real crazies.

Recently in New York I had to suffer the embarrassment of having
to listen to a Muslim man say to a non-Muslim woman at a forum,
"Don't mess with Muslims, we have nuclear weapons!" There I was
trying to dispel stereotypes about violence-prone Muslims and in
one fell swoop, this nutcase confirmed every stereotype there was.

I think the only people who can dispel stereotypes about Muslims
are women. While there are certainly some conservative women,
even when these speak out they will naturally change perceptions
because in a world where Muslim women are perceived to be
perpetually hidden behind curtains, their sheer presence and
articulateness will be noticed. What more if they are able to argue
rationally in a calm manner.

Thus far there have been very few Muslim men in the international
media who give a good impression. We might argue that the
Western media selects who they interview in order to perpetuate
stereotypes, which is true and that is a problem for all of us. A man
or woman who looks like the archetypal wild-eyed conservative is
far more telegenic than someone who looks like everyone else.

Channel surfers are far more likely to stop at the sight of someone
they think of as alien to their culture than if they see someone too
similar to them. To stop this means having to make a concerted
effort to come together as one community and decide on a
sophisticated media strategy. But sadly coming together as one
united community is a challenge in itself.

If we do manage as a global community to change other people's
perceptions of us, the benefits would be many. Our own people
might think more kindly of each other so peace would reign within.
And because within ourselves, we respect diversity, we can do the
same with others. Then peace would truly have a chance.